Christians and Conflict: Navigating the Path to Peace

Introduction

Anyone who believes they can have a life devoid of conflict is either willfully blind, nieve, or in denial. What is important is not how to avoid conflict? Rather, it is important to know how to act in the midst of conflict and do our best to come to a peaceful resolution.

The Reality of Conflict

Conflict in a Fallen World: Conflict is inevitable due to human nature and a fallen world.

The Bible demonstrates the presence of conflict in the very beginning chapters of Genesis. 

Then”Fall” from Grace of Eve and Adam portrays the beginning of conflict as incited by the Snake (Traditionally believed equal to Satan). He passes on his conflict with God to Eve calling God a liar. ( projection if there ever was any!) Adam adds to the conflict by blaming Eve saying it was her fault. 

Soon after we have the story of Cain and Able. In this instance we find envy and jealousy entering the picture. The result is the first murder. When God confronts Cain he tells him that sin is crouching at his door and further that Cain invited it in!

It is interesting to mention how God responds in both of these situations. True Adam and Eve are expelled from the Garden. However, God first makes them some proper clothing. Likewise God shows Cain some mercy. Instead of executing him on the spot He goves him a protective mark on his forehead to keep others from killing him.

Later in the story of Joseph we see how a conflict between brothers is used by God to deliver his people from famine. Jealousy also plays a part in these events. However, rather than kill their brother they sell him into slavery. Through many trials (conflicts) Joseph rises to be the second most powerful person in Egypt. When his brother discover this they fear retribution. However, Joseph surprises them with mercy.

Genesis 45: 4-7

4 Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! 5 And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. 6 For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing and reaping. 7 But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.

In the New Testament, we also see conflicts. Herod is threatened by the news of a child born to be the Messiah and proceeds to kill many innocent babies. The religious leaders try to trap Jesus with trick questions. John the Baptist loses his head. The 12 disciples argue among themselves. The examples almost endless.

Biblical Perspective on Conflict

Jesus’ Teachings

Jesus gives a truly revolutionary perspective on conflict

Matthew 5:38-46

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’  39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. 

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Some scholars suggest Jesus is presenting examples of nonviolent protest. If someone slaps you on the right cheek it is likely a back handed slap of insult. If you turn exposing you left cheek you are inviting an escalation of behavior. If the other responds adding to the insult he has gone beyond socially accepted behavior and brings shame upon himself.

This idea is a bit clearer in the example of going the extra mile. Roman authorities in an effort to keep conquered peoples from excessive exploitation by soldiers had a rule. They could only require a person to carry their pack one mile. If a person continued the carry beyond the specified distance they would be turning the tables of the relationship by exposing the soldier to discipline.

This may have been an encouragement to people like Dr. King in the civil rights movement.

Jesus also stresses forgiveness as a response to conflict. 

Matthew 18:21-22

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]

It is instructive to see how Jesus deals with those who try to destroy his credibility with trick questions. It is a challenge to us to be both calm and wise in the midst of conflict.

Mark 12:13-17

13 Later they sent some of the Pharisees and Herodians to Jesus to catch him in his words. 14 They came to him and said, “Teacher, we know that you are a man of integrity. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. Is it right to pay the imperial tax[b] to Caesar or not? 15 Should we pay or shouldn’t we?”

But Jesus knew their hypocrisy. “Why are you trying to trap me?” he asked. “Bring me a denarius and let me look at it.” 16 They brought the coin, and he asked them, “Whose image is this? And whose inscription?”

“Caesar’s,” they replied.

17 Then Jesus said to them, “Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.”

And they were amazed at him.

Conflict in the early church

In the book of Acts 15 we find conflict between Jewish and Gentile believers. They took their dispute to the Jerusalem Counsel. There after debate the came to an agreed solution.  

I believe this is an example of collaboration.

19 “It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God. 20 Instead we should write to them, telling them to abstain from food polluted by idols, from sexual immorality, from the meat of strangled animals and from blood. 21 For the law of Moses has been preached in every city from the earliest times and is read in the synagogues on every Sabbath.”

St Paul

St. Paul (aka Saul before his conversion) was an enemy of the church. However, he is forgiven by the risen Jesus and becomes the major evangelist of the early church. He gives advice on conflict in his letters.

Romans 12:17-21

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Paul advises Christians To settle disputes quickly.

Ephesians 4:26 In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 

Practical Steps for Christians in Conflict

The people at PREPInc.com present clear research tested advice to married couples. These ideas can help in any conflict situational. It all begins by avoiding 4 behaviors.

Escalation

When there is conflict keep the discussion on point. If you are arguing about toothpaste in the sink don’t start talking about the whole house, yard, garage, and driveway.

Invalidation

This means no Put Downs. Don’t make it about character defects. Bad habits, mannerisma, or name calling.

Withdrawal and avoidance

Agree on a time and place for an adult conversation

Negative Interpretation 

This happens when one or both parties misinterpret positive or neutral remarks as negative.

The Feedback Sandwich

This is a very positive and relatively simple piece of advise. When you have some critical information you feel is necessary to share with another “samdwich” it between two positive remarks. I often find this works with our grandson when I am trying to correct his failure to follow through with assigned chores. 

Prayer and Reflection

 It is important to seek God’s guidance in resolving conflicts. More than once I have been reminded of the “log in my own eye.” Often I may be projecting some bad habit of my own. Also at times tiredness, worry, and everyday problems can make us short tempered and cranky. Some prayer time with Jesus can help get us into a better place to communicate with family, friends, and colleagues.

The Importance of Agape Love

My Bishop, Charles Jones, likes to emphasize the idea that the person in front of us right now is the most important person to Jesus. When we keep this idea for most it helps us bring the love and grace of God into the relationship. 

Conclusion

We don’t like conflict in our lives. Yet it is inevitable. There are conflicts in families; conflicts at school and work; and yes, conflicts in church as well. However, conflicts need not lead to anger, frustration, and division. Remembering the other is our brother or sister in Christ helps. Seeking collaboration or compromise can be a way forward. Seeking the Lord’s guidance and grace are vital. Humility and self-examination are a must. Finally proceed with hope for a positive outcome

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