Common assumptions about choice of mate are suggested by two common phrases: Birds of a feather flock together; opposites attract. When considering Personality Type differences we may see that sometimes, both are true for some couples. This article will look at MBIT Compatibility: ESFP $ ISFP.
First we will discuss how dominant Extroverts and dominant Introverts can learn to get along. At the base of any disagreements is the fact that these two types are energized opposite ways.
It is just as the labels suggest. Extroverts are energized in the outer world interacting with other people. Introverts are energized while alone nurturing their inner selves.
The classic differences are usually described in relationship to attendance at parties and other gatherings. Extroverted types arrive early, talk to everyone, and are among the last to leave, exhilarated. Introverted types arrive late, perhaps talk to just a few others or maybe only one or none, and leave early exhausted.
Another difference reveals itself in conversations. I can tell you, being a strong Extroverted type, that I almost can’t think without speaking or writing. If you start a conversation with me, especially by asking a question, I immediately begin to speak. What you hear will not be my best thought. I’m just getting warmed up. I used to tell my late wife, “Remember, dear, I don’t know it’s stupid until I hear myself say it!”
Introverts are the opposite. They think internally to themselves, considering the alternatives. The first thing you get is silence. When they do speak it is their best thought already formed.
Thus if, as an Extrovert, and you wish to have a serious conversation with an Introvert, it is best to suggest a time in the future. Then when the appointed time arrives limit your speaking to leave room for the Introvert because they are not liable to interrupt you.
Meanwhile, it is helpful for Introverted types to know these things about their Extroverted companions. Try to be understanding when they cut into your comments. You might go so far as to make a time out sign when we Extroverts have not let you speak.
Friendships are another area of comparison that may be more alike that they seem. We Extroverted types typically have lots of friends. We make them easily and worry ourselves about the relationships hardly at all. Introverts find it more difficult to make friends because they are not interested superficial connections. They can rise to the occasion and make small talk but don’t really like it. They want the deeper inner connection.
These two types share the same temperament: SP (Sensing Perceivers). Sensing places them in the here and now enjoying the adventures of living. They will like participating together in the great outdoors and/or sports. Together they can take on many challenges.
The difference in Extroversion and Introversion can be sources of both conflict and complimentary growth. One may encourage the other to participate in the world. The other can encourage a greater depth of values and meaning.
Since both have strong Feeling function they both value harmony in their relationship and have meaningful connections to the wider community of extended family and friends. Although approaching differently from their Extroverted or Introverted preference.
With three identical areas, SFP, there can be many “Blind Spots” to negotiate. There are times when Thinking and Judging are appropriate and necessary. Making sacrifices in the present for tomorrows needs can be important. Creating and following a family budget may be a challenge. The Introverted spouse may take the lead in these areas having a greater sense of values and traditions.
The shared preference for Feeling helps you as a couple to be sympathetic to the needs of others. However, when situations requiring “tough love” and setting limits arise it may become a struggle to set and keep appropriate boundaries.
Another area that may become a blind spot is in the raising of and relating to children who are not SF. For example, if a child in this family is an NT (Intuitive Thinker) or NF (Intuitive Feeler) the parents may find it difficult to appreciate the differences. Your son or daughter may prefer science or literature more than baseball or cooking.
As with all combinations of type relationship this pair has ample reason to experience a good marriage. Learning to appreciate the difference between Extroversion and Introversion will be challenging but when seen as complimentary can be an asset. When the blind spots are recognized and addressed a balance in life can be achieved.
For more information regarding Personality as it affects you and your spouse read the series of post How to Understand People. Click here!