The Power of Forgiveness: Healing Through Letting Go
Introduction
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Lewis B. Smedes
Years ago when I was in college I was involved with a movement against the war in Vietnam. One of the other leaders of the project was more radical. He seemed too unreasonable. There was such conflict between our ideas I came to hate him. However, at one meeting I became aware of this hate an how it was effecting my life. Somehow I was able to let that go. In that moment peace came flooding into me.
Forgiveness is a decision to let go of the expectation to get even or balance the scale. Indeed, the clearest examples of forgiveness are monetary. When a load is forgiven it no longer has to be paid back!
Forgiveness is essential for personal peace, emotional freedom, and spiritual growth.
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” Martin Luther King Jr
It is a necessary way of life. The need forgiveness will come to each of us in small and big ways many times in our lives. Jesus teaches this when Peter asks him now many times must he forgive his brother.
Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
The obvious message is if you are keeping score you missed the point.
Understanding Forgiveness
“When you forgive, you don’t change the past, but you can change the future.”Bernard Meltzer
Forgiveness is breaking the power of wrong behavior. It is away of canceling the lingering wound aflictedby another. The past is past. We can’t erase it. However, we can nullify its effect upon our future. Hurt, anger, stress, sleeplessness, are put to rest. Our future is no longer ruled by past hurts. Forgiveness can reframe the past events removing their sting.
Jesus in the cross forgives the soldiers who nails him there.
Luke 23 33-34 When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.
What Forgiveness Is Not
People often say they are not able to forgive because they can not forget what happened. Forgiveness is not conditioned upon forgetting. The truth is we don’t forget and no one can. It is possible, however, to reframe the memory. Some Christians practice prayer called “Healing of Memories. Often with the help of a wise counselor one can use active imagination to review the memories and invite Jesus to be present in the event. His presence will reframe the memory in ways that briinfk emotional and spiritual healing.
Forgiveness does not mean we must fully reconcile with the person who hurt us. It is clearly unwise to place ourselves at the mercy of an abuser. It may be helpful to pray for their positive transformation. However, it is more likely important to avoid them.
On the other hand their are wounds of a lesser nature that do leave room for reconciliation. I often teach what I call therree mosti portant sentences.
I was wrong. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.
Here is a personal example. I was just beginning a new position. As I was in my office unpacking I stepped into the secretaries office and bruskly asked for something. Ask I walked back to my office my words ecohed in my head. I had been officious and unfriendly. Returning to her office I saw a parishioner had also entered. I said, “Dona I’m sorry. that was rude and wrong. Please forgive me. As I turned back to my office I heard her say, “Did you hear that? A man actually oppologized!” from that day forward we had an excellent working relationship.
The Benefits of Forgiveness
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”Lewis B. Smedes
The example above of my interchange with my secretary demostrates most of the following benefits.
•Reduces stress and anxiety.
•Promotes inner peace and emotional well-being.
•Lowers blood pressure.
•Improves sleep and overall health.
•Strengthens relationships.
•Fosters empathy and understanding.
The Challenges of Forgiveness
•There are several common obstacles to forgiveness. Unlike the previous example many wound are deep seated with much physical and emotional trauma. It may take years and effort to reach forgiveness for childhood trauma and or sexual abuse. One may need to participate in a Recovery Program like AA. If possible a good Therapist, counselor or Spiritual Director may be of great assistance.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi
Misconceptions about forgiveness can be a hindrance. Some believe, as mentioned above that they can’forgive until they forget. Others may thing it is a sign of weakness to forgive. Others think the results of forgiveness should be inmediate. Sometimes they are. Sometimes it takes longer for the be if its to become fully present.
Often it is necessary to forgive on self. It can take difficult personal insight to recognize how we may be involved in our own suffering
Again, years ago, I asked my Spiritual Director at the time, Fr. Burt. “Why do my parishioners always dump om me!” He relied, “if you lay down and open your mouth they will shovel in the S..t!”
Steps to Practice Forgiveness
•Acknowledge Your Pain:
•Validate your feelings and experiences.
•Make a Conscious Decision to Forgive:
•Commit to the process, even if it’s difficult.
•Empathy and Understanding:
•Try to understand the other person’s perspective, even if you don’t agree.
•Release the Grudge: Let go of the negative emotions tied to the event.
•Practice Self-Compassion:
•Be kind to yourself as you navigate the journey of forgiveness.
Conclusion
“Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom.” Hannah Arendt